nelsonlovespandas back in action ^_^

lindaaaohvee asked: stay strong bui!<3

LOL ITS AN AUTOBIOGRAPHY, IM OKAY I SWEAR XD

thanks though xo -Nelson

Dear Tumblr,

I never really went onto this site for a long time because I really didn’t have a reason to go on anymore. It was kind of lagging my computer and now that I’m putting my full effort into becoming an eSports pro-gamer, I suddenly have a change of heart where, I don’t know if this is right for me. I mean the things I’m doing in my life as of RIGHT NOW, I don’t know if I’m completely 100% sure what I’m doing in life anymore.

So this post is actually a preview to an autobiography that I’m writing about my life. Because sometimes people need a new perspective to see how difficult life is and sometimes how easy it truly is. Sorry if there are any typos at all it was just an excerpt of the real book I’m writing and I hope you all enjoy.

Lets be straightforward now, I’m not very academic. I am forcefully chosen to sit in a class and listen to lectures that put me to sleep. I’m sorry, its not something I like to do. Classes that are upbeat and filled with great energy that create a lot of interaction with other students, those are the classes that I really excel at! I love working with other people, I love working with my hands. I just don’t think sitting in class for hours, being forced to jam things into my head and being then GRADED on that is just absurd. 

So thats my take on school. Recently the eSports pro thing has been going very well, but theres still a chunk of my life missing. Living in a shadow is probably the worst thing a child can experience, and its hard to deal with. I’ve had to live in my brother’s shadow for quite some time and its never really bugged me up until now. It was just me doing my own thing in school and everything else, but now that I’m older and ready to take on responsibility, I don’t want to be anything like my brother. I’m not saying hes a bad man, I just want to be me. I want to be Nelson Bui. Not Jason’s little brother. 

Throughout my life, I’ve struggled through some weird things. I won’t go into full detail about it but my has definitely been a novel, but just hasn’t been written. In elementary school, I really wanted to fit in and be the cool kid. I wanted to be cool with the wrong type of kids basically… Which really set a bad tone in my early life. As I tried to fit in, I constantly made mistakes and most of them really stupid, but nonetheless I made a lot of mistakes that made my parents question me. I was never trusted as a kid. My parents thought of me as the baddest kid alive. I felt sad that they felt this way, and I felt almost as if, they never wanted me. But I grew up learning from my mistakes and I really did sense why they felt that way. Even though I was a child, I brought a large amount of problems into their life which they shouldn’t have because they should be rewarded if anything for having four kids. Its not easy to raise four rascals but having one being a douchebag at the age of 5, its tough. So I really stood in my parent’s shoes, no matter what the size was, and analyzed how raising myself was. And this led me to depression. I never really put it out in front of anyone actually. It made me feel like a dumbass to be sad. I really didn’t like the feeling of being down and sad.. I tried my best, probably everything I had, to hide the fact that I was dying inside. I couldn’t cope with the fact my parents, as hard as they tried, didn’t love me enough. Four kids, two parents working full-time jobs. As a teenager, I really looked in depth of this assumption and it wasn’t that my parents didn’t try, they just really couldn’t. I just had to tell myself that they did and hopefully I believed it. But I didn’t. Maybe throughout age 9-11 was probably the most hated years of my life. I admit I met a lot of amazing people and made lots of great friends but just that time of my life, I wanted to die. There was nothing for me at home that made me feel like.. this is my home. I was constantly picked on for being a boy, playing with toys and action figures. Some say that at age 9-11 you shouldn’t be doing that. But I disagree. I was still a very young boy and I really loved playing with the toys that were given to me because its what boys do. Even back then, I couldn’t sit in a chair and read for 30mins. The reading logs they gave out in elementary school, I mostly faked those because I didn’t want to read. Even though I really never read books in my childhood, I developed a strong sense of literature and grammar on my own somehow. It kind of just all came in. This stage of my life was basically, Me questioning if I really belonged here. I didn’t think so, my family didn’t prove me wrong. I just wanted to leave. There were many sleepless nights where I would just think and theorycraft what would happen if I was never born. If I just died. If I just left, how would they be without me? Maybe better? Probably not even close to mourning but this is really what I thought at that time. This set me up for a really terrible personality that I really wish I didn’t have. People see me now as a young short funny fella that loves to make people laugh and entertain crowds and just an outgoing guy. I beg to differ. I am loud, I love to go outside and play, I love to sit here on the computer and do my thing. I’m a really serious guy but as a jokester no one really believes me at all.. Which actually escalated my depression.

In ‘06, I don’t remember what had happened before or after that year.. But all I remember was the death of my father. It was really hard, even though I was going through all these things, I stood by his side, at his death bed, trying to keep him alive. He was in agony, he was seriously hurting, I felt it. I felt his pain when he was laying in bed, I sensed it but he didn’t let me help him. My father was a smoker, probably could’ve been a symptom from smoking but I wasn’t gonna let that destroy my father. As he laid in bed trying his best to make the pain go away or at least make it seem like the pain wasn’t there. I felt everything he felt in my heart. I felt the excruciating grabbing of my chest. I felt my muscles soon becoming numb and rock solid. I felt as if there was no hope. I was there when he went into shock. I was there when he needed my help. But his pride didn’t let me save him. I, potentially, had the power to rescue my father’s life. But I was told not too. I sat there crying as my grandparents and my mom yelled for help. I sat there crying wishing I had called 9-1-1 earlier. I sat there crying helplessly. I saw the blood come out of his mouth. I saw how stiff his body became. I saw his face as he went into shock. I heard his last dying word. It was my mom’s name. 

Fast forward a couple years, everything was absolutely different. From the night my grandparents and my mom didn’t go to sleep to this day, life has unexpectedly gotten better. I lose a father figure when I’m a child, my younger brother and sister have no father figure when growing up, how does life get better? Motivation. My dad wasn’t always the one to tell me to do better in school, or chase after my dreams or any of that. He was much more of a lenient relaxed dad. He worked 6 days out of the week, from 6am to 8pm, he wasn’t really home most of the time anyways, but he was an excellent father now that I’m grown up and realized all the things he’s done for us as a family. My father’s death motivates me to try my best and excel in practically anything I want to accomplish, because his future for me was that I achieve what I want to do with my life. If it means going to Cal-State LA or going to UCLA or going to PCC, I’m sure he’ll still be proud of me no matter what. As for my little siblings… I don’t know what to say but its hard being an older brother when they constantly get on your nerves. Its hard putting up with them, I mean I try my best to help them through school and stuff but, they never seem to ask me for help because they never saw me as an academic scholar(?) My older brother was the one to go for that. But it doesn’t mean I won’t go out of my way to help them. They just don’t acknowledge me. Thats what even motivates me more to achieve the best I can, to be acknowledged by my family.

My ambitions exceed much more than I can grasp at this point. Now that my older brother is serving his college years, he sorts of supports me in what I want to do with my life, which I really appreciate. But I still question if my family believes in me. A lot of the times my mom loves nagging me about studying but after I told her I can’t sit down and focus for more than 30mins, she’s still rubbing me about that and its getting really frustrating. I’m not doing bad in school, but I’m not doing good. I’m doing okay because I want to pass, but I also don’t want to fail. From my perspective, its okay to be average but yet have secret sides of you that no one knows about. For example, (not to brag) I really like writing, its been a passion of mine since 4th grade, I love making up stories and writing novels and putting my imagination on paper. I failed 10th grade english. I suppose this is a little bump in the road, because I didn’t like my class. There was no reason for me to be in that class. It wasn’t up to my standards. I really felt like there were some retarded ass people in there. Excuse me for the vulgar language but I really thought I did not belong in that class, I asked for class switch from counselor for honors but didn’t get it. Side note, my teacher was Ms. Sepulveda, the lady with the butt tumor. I think, in my own opinion, she could be one of the worst english teachers hand down. or maybe teacher overall. She would always lower your self-confidence and esteem. For some reason she always complained about us not going to college when we were only in 10th grade. Mysteriously enough, shes also one of the reasons why I’m trying my best to go to college. To this day… School is kind of getting very irritating. 

Lets skip the school aspect, I’m sure everyones tired of reading about it. Moving on to more personal things like relationships! I actually hold a large number of complicated(?) relationships… I started in 2nd grade. Most don’t believe it or consider that as a relationship. I somewhat agree since we never really broke up but anyways, fast forwarding to 5th grade, New kid on the block at Solano Ave elementary school. Oh it was really bad. I had this girl, who is actually a girl I still keep in touch with, chasing me down and yes she had a crush on me. But sadly enough she wasn’t appealing to me back then. That choice I made in my life where I shunned her, I regret it somewhat… So I get into this school not knowing anyone really. I sat at this table with this kid named John Wu, who is now my best friend, Elaine Wu, the girl with the crush on me, and I can’t remember the others because these two actually are a big factor in my life. These two are actually the only ones I remember from 5th grade who had a big impact on my life. Later on in that year I had a little complicated thing with Kirsten Gin, she was a little adorable chinese girl who was smaller than 4 feet i think. It was weird back then but now that I think about it and now that we’re both more mature to say that there were no hard feelings there and it was just a random something. Met a lot of great people and had a lot of great memories at that school. Most of the time all I can remember is getting chased by girls out in the yard.. 6th grade comes around the corner really fast and this was actually the year my father passed away so I was somewhat more conservative. I was in the presence Robert Lum, Kevin Gong, and plenty more that I’m still good friends with. It was an excellent 6th grade year, I actually managed to handle a relationship with Ashlynn Lim. She was a year younger but everything was cool because Solano was a small school and everyone knew everyone. We were really a cute couple in my opinion because I was in it. Joking aside, the things we did were very cute and I wish I had some of the things we left behind but they disappeared somewhere mysterious… I should ask her about them later. 6th grade was the best school year I had until I got suspended. Whoa suspended in elementary school?! Its absurd right? Yeah. I got suspended for sexual harassment. I’m not gonna complain about the judgement of the suspension and the timing of it, but it was bad. It was a week before summer break and my culmination for 6th graders moving on to middle school, and it was extremely blazing! The room had all windows open and a big floor fan in the back of the room. So I calmly walk to the back of the room with Jessie, a super old friend from kinder and I hope hes still doing good… As boys being boys, we put our shirts over the fan pretending we were fat and what not. After that had happened a friend that I was really cool with back then, Diane Alfaro walked by and we were just chit chatting about regular stuff kids talk about. Then out of my stupid mouth I happened to say, “Look Diane, my boobs are bigger than yours.” This was when the fan was still blowing up my shirt. Supposedly I said this twice when I can only remember one time. My teacher heard me and reported it to the principal and he told me I had a chance to be suspended. I really thought it was no big deal because it was a small school and everyone knew everyone and I thought he’d be kind of lenient due to the fact that it was a week left of school, but no. Two days later I was suspended due to Sexual Harassment with three days left in the school and I was not able to attend my culmination nor the School picnic on the last day of school. I managed to go afterschool to see my friends and my girlfriend. But sadly, I only saw my girlfriend cross the street so I didn’t see her.. but I did see my friends and I signed their panorama pictures and exchanged phone numbers and there were a lot of people crying and I felt like crying too because I wasn’t able to witness the tears as a Sixth Grader. I was that kid that was suspended for something outrageously stupid.

Anonymous asked: So nelson, you have a girlfriend now huh?

YEAH

Anonymous asked: Have you ever had a dream where you've got shot for someone you love or loved or died for them?

yeah all the time ;D